I'm a big kid now

I had a friend ask me the other day when I was going to grow up. (The question was also directed at our husbands.) My answer was something along the line of I don't ever want to totally "grow up".

After I married Jon I spent a lot of the time feeling like I was still a kid. We married young. We had babies young. We worked at a church that was mostly older people and I have to say I spent most of my time feeling like I was looked down on. Here I am now, a good 10 years later, and it's getting better, but I don't know if I will ever totally feel like an adult.

When I was a young newlywed and young mother all I wanted was to be looked on as an adult. Now as a mother who's oldest child is about to enter double digits I just want to be adult enough to deal with my responsibilities well and still be "young" enough to enjoy the ride. I want to be able to enjoy my husband, children, and life in general.

Unfortunately, the growing up part of life can be painful. I am having to deal with one aspect of this right now. I have, because of some bruising and battering of my heart, wrapped my heart in cotton (bubble wrap, styrofoam, etc.). I had made the decision that if I kept my heart put away and protected it couldn't hurt. God informed me that He has other ideas about that today.

I was hurt by some really close friends. (I'm pretty sure I have mentioned my friendship issues before. I don't make friends easily and I don't trust 'em easily either.) I am not saying that they were malicious or set out to hurt me - I just got hurt - you can't really help what brings you joy or what brings you pain. So, anyway, I made the decision to back away from them. I figured if I didn't hang out with them I wouldn't have the hurt or risk being hurt some more.

I realized today that I can't just walk away from them.

I want to. I want to run as fast and as far away as possible. I don't want to put myself out there. I don't want to risk my heart getting more bruised or battered. I will though.

As I sat in church today I had the most overwhelming feeling that I have to talk to them. I don't know if I can explain it. The feeling is like your heart is being squeezed tight and there is this weight... (These friends have been hurting. In lots of ways. It makes me want to cry if I think about it too much.) I knew that I was going to have to do something. I knew I had to tell Jon that I was going to have to do something.

I wasn't really looking forward to that. See, Jon has had to deal with his own struggles regarding these friends. One result being he would get really worried about me whenever I would have any kind of contact with them.

So I tell Jon in the car after church that I just really, really feel like I need to make that phone call. Jon looks at me and tells me "I really had Friend 1 on my heart in the service." He follows that up with "I've been thinking about Friend 1 for the past couple of weeks."

It's awesome to see the way God works. He's been working on both of us, getting us to this point where we can hopefully love on the both of them.

I might get hurt. There maybe tears. Or I might find my friends again. I might be able to love on them. That's the thing about hearts - you hide them away you might not experience the hurt, but you also miss out on the good stuff - love, laughter and friendship.

It's about time!

• Originally posted on Sep 30, 2006

I have never planted morning glories before. They have always appealed to me and yet I have never had any in my yard. The beginning of this summer I bought a teeny, tiny morning glory start. Having never planted any = no experience in what they like. So I was the interweb guru and searched about them. The information that I gathered all pointed to planting them in "bad" soil, ensuring they would put energy into blooming.

It bloomed twice.

Right after I planted it.

Over this summer it has climbed everywhere, covers the entire corner of the garage and has been a lush green.

It bloomed last night. Last freaking night! Which leads me to the conclusion that I managed to pick the confused morning glory. Maybe it has aspirations to be a moon flower? Perhaps way back when it's great great grandma was into experimentation? There was that one night when mom got totally wasted?

I don't know, but it's about time!

Sept. 29 001

Sept. 29 014

Killer Coiffure

Liam climbs up on our bed and sprawls across Jon's chest.

Liam: Can I get another haircut?

Jon: You just got a haircut last night.

Liam: pause...

Liam: pause...

Liam: pause...

Liam: This haircut is broken.

The breakdown of a star

Britney Spears can't seem to stay out of the spotlight. All last year she was in the news for her "antics". A marriage disintegrating, kids endangered, and a woman imploding - and that's what "news" outlets called it - antics. What kind of world do we live in that the breakdown of a family becomes entertaining?

I admit to reading celeblogs. I enjoy reading about where they vacation, how the famous offspring is growing up and seeing what they're wearing. The problem comes when pictures of various naked parts (thank you Paris, Lindsey, Britney, et al), lurid details of suicide attempts (Owen Wilson), and complete mental breakdown (Brit again) are splashed everywhere. There are pictures of Britney restrained on the gurney being put into the ambulance. Whether it was drugs or some kind of mental break - she deserves some kind of privacy.

It's common decency. Unfortunately, I don't think that there is much of it laying around anymore.

Edited to add:

I guess I'm not the only one who sees this : Dad Gone Mad

Who knew disrobing could be so difficult?

Lucas comes in the bedroom -

Lucas: Mommy I can't get my sweatshirt off.
(I reach over and unzip the neck of his sweatshirt.)
Lucas: Oh. That was the problem.