You know those days where you know that there are any number of little things you could be should be doing and yet you just can't make it happen? I'm having one of those days.
The kids want to play outside but I really don't feel like going out there to watch them. If we were still in Tennessee I could just shove them out the door, tell them not maim each other and call it good. Here in California it's different. There are set rules about being in the backyard (some safety, some for the safety of the garden) here. They are completely understandable and I don't take issue with them - but my kids sometimes don't get that we are playing by a different set of rules now.
They don't know what to do with themselves either. My older two have way more free time during the day than they are used to. I hear "I'm bored" way more than I ever used to. My younger two have resorted to trying to turn back time to be "the baby" once again. Lucas is still struggling with the whineyness. Liam is... well, Liam. He is very happy being the actual baby in our family. I was very excited though, when today he requested to wear underpants.
I guess I'm just feeling kind of blah. Part of that is probably the result of the fact that I'm a female. The other part is just the place in life we are at right now. Let me just say right now that I am not doubting what we are doing. I know that going into ministry is what we're supposed to do. I know that this temporary move out to Cali. is what we were supposed to do. I know that we are following God's will. I know it.
The problem is that knowing you are doing what God wants you to do doesn't mean that everything will be a breeze. We have had our moments of everything falling into place, and what a blessing that has been to us, but that just isn't how it always works. Following God also means getting out of your comfort zone. It means still struggling with some of the same struggles as before. It means relying on God, which even in the best of times, can be hard.
When stability is like the number 1 item on your wish list of life - ministry isn't really the first job idea to pop into your head. I'm scared. We have to raise our start up costs and have enough people willing to commit to monthly giving before we can even get out of the gate (leave Cali). We will be relying on other people to support us month after month... That scares me to my very core.
I know that God knows down to the tiniest detail when we'll get support up and running. I know that He will provide. I know that this is what we are meant to do. (That doesn't mean it's going to be easy)
This is kind of all overish, whiney (I wonder where Luc got it from?), and down - so I apologize. I'm just getting in touch with my inner Eeyore.
I give you a Luc picture in exchange for reading my pity party:
Someone who whose inner Eeyore occasionally becomes his outer Eeyore.
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