The title of this post isn't here... or is it?

I want to write so very badly but my kids won't cut me any slack. They are yelling, beating each other up, flushing Mr. Incredible down the toilet... you get the picture.

I was going to write up my super exciting visit to the Doc yesterday - but 1) see previous two sentences, and 2) I am still debating whether or not I want to share with the vast internets about a "female visit" to the doctor. It was a great (please read "great" with a great deal of sarcasm or false excitement for true Janelle flavor) appointment. Parking wars, old men gumming their lips, and office workers trying to catch birds. This is the stuff of greatness!

I've had the pleasure of renewing a friendship this last week or so. The good thing is - hey! good friends are hard to come by(and don't I know it!)! The bummer of it though is that our friendship is being rekindled because of mutual yuckiness. I'm not saying that it isn't or won't be a good friendship. It's just that I'm sad that we even have that in common to talk about and deal with. I am so excited for her though! God is doing great things in her and in the life of her family. God is so faithful.

Lifes a (Newport) Beach

A few pictures from our afternoon at the beach.

Yes. My husband is a deep thinker.

Take Me Away

Jon and I were given a chance to get away for the weekend. For the cost of gas. (I just found out that we are being reimbursed for even that.) How awesome is that? It was a couples retreat down in the O.C. We had a picnic on the beach, stayed at a very nice hotel and had some fabulous food.

We also got to sleep in a real bed in our very own room! I will repeat myself - how awesome is that?

We also got a chance to have a good time hanging out with my sister and her husband and the cutest baby niece you would ever set eyes on. I'm allowed to say that because the next youngest niece is 5 - very much not a baby!

Jeff and Eugenie Lilley from Hume Lake Christian Camps spoke to about 40 couples about becoming subversive romantics. Making our marriage a light in a dark world.

We also had music led by Timothy James Meaney. I wish I could come up with a better descriptive word but... awesome, amazing, wonderful, worshipful, just great. He and his wife are the genuine thing. They were fun to be around and I think Jon and I were blessed just getting to hang out around them.

It was definitely what we needed. We were encouraged and refreshed. We were reminded of how much we love each other and how great our marriage really is.

(I guess all those accusations of acting like teenagers weren't that far off.)

I'm a big kid now (now with update)

I had a friend ask me the other day when I was going to grow up. (The question was also directed at our husbands.) My answer was something along the line of I don't ever want to totally "grow up".

After I married Jon I spent a lot of the time feeling like I was still a kid. We married young. We had babies young. We worked at a church that was mostly older people and I have to say I spent most of my time feeling like I was looked down on. Here I am now, a good 10 years later, and it's getting better, but I don't know if I will ever totally feel like an adult.

When I was a young newlywed and young mother all I wanted was to be looked on as an adult. Now as a mother who's oldest child is about to enter double digits I just want to be adult enough to deal with my responsibilities well and still be "young" enough to enjoy the ride. I want to be able to enjoy my husband, children, and life in general.

Unfortunately, the growing up part of life can be painful. I am having to deal with one aspect of this right now. I have, because of some bruising and battering of my heart, wrapped my heart in cotton (bubble wrap, styrofoam, etc.). I had made the decision that if I kept my heart put away and protected it couldn't hurt. God informed me that He has other ideas about that today.

I was hurt by some really close friends. (I'm pretty sure I have mentioned my friendship issues before. I don't make friends easily and I don't trust 'em easily either.) I am not saying that they were malicious or set out to hurt me - I just got hurt - you can't really help what brings you joy or what brings you pain. So, anyway, I made the decision to back away from them. I figured if I didn't hang out with them I wouldn't have the hurt or risk being hurt some more.

I realized today that I can't just walk away from them.

I want to. I want to run as fast and as far away as possible. I don't want to put myself out there. I don't want to risk my heart getting more bruised or battered. I will though.

As I sat in church today I had the most overwhelming feeling that I have to talk to them. I don't know if I can explain it. The feeling is like your heart is being squeezed tight and there is this weight... (These friends have been hurting. In lots of ways. It makes me want to cry if I think about it too much.) I knew that I was going to have to do something. I knew I had to tell Jon that I was going to have to do something.

I wasn't really looking forward to that. See, Jon has had to deal with his own struggles regarding these friends. One result being he would get really worried about me whenever I would have any kind of contact with them.

So I tell Jon in the car after church that I just really, really feel like I need to make that phone call. Jon looks at me and tells me "I really had Friend 1 on my heart in the service." He follows that up with "I've been thinking about Friend 1 for the past couple of weeks."

It's awesome to see the way God works. He's been working on both of us, getting us to this point where we can hopefully love on the both of them.

I might get hurt. There maybe tears. Or I might find my friends again. I might be able to love on them. That's the thing about hearts - you hide them away you might not experience the hurt, but you also miss out on the good stuff - love, laughter and friendship.

*** I finally made the decision to make that call the next day. After being unable to reach Friends 1 & 2 - I, in a spur of the moment thought, dropped by the house on my way to dinner. It was somewhat awkward but I got my point across - I loved them and was wanting to make sure they were okay. Plans were made for phone calls that never really happened.

I still don't know what the outcome will be - we email back and forth on occasion and that will just have to do for now. The important part is that I was willing to do what God was prompting me to do - even though it was out of my comfort zone.

I still love them. I still pray for them - these sorta friends. Friends because of what we have all gone through together and sorta for the strange held back relationship/non relationship we have.

I would do it again.

I Don't Wanna!

I'm waiting around for my husband to get home so that he can take me to the Doc.

I was out of commission for most of the day yesterday. My back is extremely unhappy with me. There wasn't some particular event that caused it. I have struggled with back pain pretty much since High School. Add to that a car accident, 4 pregnancies and the huge resulting babies... Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that my back has reason to complain.

***I am going to take this moment to share with you that our youngest son, who turned 3 just weeks ago, weighed in at 44 lbs at the Doc. Hmm...

I hate the Doctor. Not the specific Doc that I'm going to go see - I've never even met him/her. I just hate them all in general. I have spent way too much time around Doctors, hospitals, all the garbage that goes with them. I really, really don't want to go.

Jon doesn't believe me that they will just tell me the same old "here is a list of stretches and exercises" bit.

Got pushed down a set of bleachers?
- stretches.

Involved in a car accident?
-stretches.

Regular pain?
- stretches.

Worsening pain?
- stretches.

AAAAAAAAAA
- stretches?

What good are stretches when I can hardly stand?

So I sit and whine to the internets.

Compare this to Liam last week after he was informed that there was a trip to the Doctor in his future.

Liam: I see Dr. Cruz!!!
Us: No.
Liam: I see the Doctor?
Us: Yes.
Liam: Yaaaaaaaay!

(It is a sad day that my kids do better going to the Doctor than I do)

Update...

I have strained my back (whatever). The Doc totally started to do the whole "Let me get some pamphlets" thing. I smirked at Jon and gave him the "told you so" eyes as she left the room. Then my husband stepped up to bat for me and I got myself a script for a muscle relaxer when she returned. So yay for that!

My back is still killing me, but I am getting more and more freedom of movement. So yay for that too!