The one with the T.V. and Movies

So I couldn't sleep last night. I didn't even bother with going through the motions of turning the T.V. off and doing the tossing and turning thing. I just watched late night T.V. Some of the commercials killed me. There is a new Pepsi Max commercial... alas, I'm not writing about commercials (this time). I watched Without A Trace. Yes, I know it isn't late night, but I'm coming from Central Time Zone baby! Everything is an hour later here. I watched Scrubs. I probably watched some other stuff too. What stood out for me though, was Friends.

I don't think I really watched that last season, but I had the pleasure of catching an episode that originally aired in February of '04. Aptly titled The One Where The Stripper Cries. (I'm going to go ahead and tell those of you who are offended by the title of this episode to just go ahead and click on that little arrow that will take you back to where you came from. Please do come back and visit another day.) I laughed until I had tears in my eyes - it was exactly what I needed. I mean, how can you go wrong with Danny DeVito playing a stripper? That's dressed up like a cop? That ends up crying? Joey being a celebrity contestant on Pyramid? Chandler and Ross freaking out over who kissed Rachel first? Flashbacks of a "fat" Monica, Flock of Seagulls hair wearing Chandler, pre-nose job Rachel, and a frankly scary looking Ross?

That's right! YOU CAN'T!

It was awesome! So I will share with you my favoritest, most bestest quotes:

Joey: Hey, guys...
Monica: Wait! Let me tell them!
Joey: Sure.
Monica: Joey's going to be a celebrity guest on a game show!
Ross: Really? Which one?
Monica: Uh... fish. Seaweed. A sunken ship.
Ross: Things you find in the ocean. Oh! You're going to be on Pyramid!
Chandler: What did I marry into?

---------------

Ross: It matters to me!
Chandler: Why?
Ross: Because the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time!
Chandler: You kissed her that night, too?
Monica: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Chandler: Seriously, where did this happen?
Ross: Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, but it was so dark I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but it was amazing. And now... now I find out that you kissed her first!
Chandler: Uh, wait, what bed did you say she was on?
Ross: Mine.
Chandler: I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
Ross: No, she was definitely on my bed.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Ross: Well, then who was on my bed?
Monica (horrified): Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ross (realizing): No! No! No!
Monica: Yes!
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats! You were my midnight mystery kisser?
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?
Monica: You were my first kiss ever?
Chandler: What did I marry into?

I also have a wee question to put to you, dear internets. Is it so wrong that I have had absolutely no desire to see Street Kings. That is until I saw that House Hugh Laurie was in it? I don't think I have shared my love of that show with you as of yet. It is deep. It burns with the fire of a thousand suns. (House is mean and sarcastic and I love him. Not that kind of love, but you know what I mean. I mean you should know what I mean. It's a mean love. I mean... stop confusing me!) I would go see this movie just because he's in it. It could be a bit part for all I know (it better not! or those directors are quite possibly stupid heads unintelligent.).

My husband is totally going to hold me to that.

I'm a big kid now

I had a friend ask me the other day when I was going to grow up. (The question was also directed at our husbands.) My answer was something along the line of I don't ever want to totally "grow up".

After I married Jon I spent a lot of the time feeling like I was still a kid. We married young. We had babies young. We worked at a church that was mostly older people and I have to say I spent most of my time feeling like I was looked down on. Here I am now, a good 10 years later, and it's getting better, but I don't know if I will ever totally feel like an adult.

When I was a young newlywed and young mother all I wanted was to be looked on as an adult. Now as a mother who's oldest child is about to enter double digits I just want to be adult enough to deal with my responsibilities well and still be "young" enough to enjoy the ride. I want to be able to enjoy my husband, children, and life in general.

Unfortunately, the growing up part of life can be painful. I am having to deal with one aspect of this right now. I have, because of some bruising and battering of my heart, wrapped my heart in cotton (bubble wrap, styrofoam, etc.). I had made the decision that if I kept my heart put away and protected it couldn't hurt. God informed me that He has other ideas about that today.

I was hurt by some really close friends. (I'm pretty sure I have mentioned my friendship issues before. I don't make friends easily and I don't trust 'em easily either.) I am not saying that they were malicious or set out to hurt me - I just got hurt - you can't really help what brings you joy or what brings you pain. So, anyway, I made the decision to back away from them. I figured if I didn't hang out with them I wouldn't have the hurt or risk being hurt some more.

I realized today that I can't just walk away from them.

I want to. I want to run as fast and as far away as possible. I don't want to put myself out there. I don't want to risk my heart getting more bruised or battered. I will though.

As I sat in church today I had the most overwhelming feeling that I have to talk to them. I don't know if I can explain it. The feeling is like your heart is being squeezed tight and there is this weight... (These friends have been hurting. In lots of ways. It makes me want to cry if I think about it too much.) I knew that I was going to have to do something. I knew I had to tell Jon that I was going to have to do something.

I wasn't really looking forward to that. See, Jon has had to deal with his own struggles regarding these friends. One result being he would get really worried about me whenever I would have any kind of contact with them.

So I tell Jon in the car after church that I just really, really feel like I need to make that phone call. Jon looks at me and tells me "I really had Friend 1 on my heart in the service." He follows that up with "I've been thinking about Friend 1 for the past couple of weeks."

It's awesome to see the way God works. He's been working on both of us, getting us to this point where we can hopefully love on the both of them.

I might get hurt. There maybe tears. Or I might find my friends again. I might be able to love on them. That's the thing about hearts - you hide them away you might not experience the hurt, but you also miss out on the good stuff - love, laughter and friendship.

It's the little joys in life

• Originally posted on Sep 25, 2006

So last night after we finished up celebrating our birthday boy I got a little bit of a wild hair. I informed my husband that I desperately needed to T.P. our neighbors house. Thing is - they were still awake and I really didn't want to use my nice fluffy Charmin on their trees. So what does one do when one desperately wants to T.P and doesn't have the necessary equipment?

If your answer was to go borrow some toilet paper from your neighbors you win a gold star.

We "borrowed" 2 rolls and went to work. Toilet paper was flying, I was giggling, and my husband was my partner in crime. I made bows for the two little pine trees at the front of the walk. Two rolls just isn't enough... As I type this the only thing in my house that can be used to wipe is tissue. I find it a small sacrafice to the toilet papering gods. I giggled last night, ran around in my bare feet and had the most joy in my heart since I don't know when. It felt so good to feel young again. To just enjoy and be silly. I wasn't worried about what other people might say or think...

Which brings me to the topic of a future post. My tattoo and future tattoos. I am still tweeking what I want to say - but I want it to convey all the important stuff that I have started to figure out. Like looking for the beauty in this life even when it really isn't evident.

Oh, and in case you were wondering. After we had improved the neighbors foliage we sat on our porch and finished a glass of wine. Our neighbor saw our lights on and came over to return a cup. Yeah, we got caught. Handcuffs were mentioned (did I share with you that our neighbor is an officer?), empty threats were hurled (well, mostly empty) - all was right with the world.

So I haven't been very bloggy - sue me!

Ha! All you would get out of me would be kids.

We had a busy November. At least that's what you would assume from my lack of blogging. My mom was in town for the whole month so that pretty much ='s lots of shopping. Not so much me as mom. She got all of her Christmas shopping for the kids done. We spent Thanksgiving with our friends in AL and spent a couple of days further south in FL. It was a good time but it was hard to come home.

Part of the reason it was hard is because we are still in "flinging our hands up in the air nobody knows what we are doing" mode. Jon is pursuing a couple of different avenues for work right now and every time we think we know what to expect - it seems that the bottom drops out - but then it doesn't. That really starts to wear on a person/persons/family. We are both stressed out and it is showing in how not patient we are with the kids. I hate that.

I am also in this yucky space right now where I am very much not social with anyone but one really super-duper awesome couple right now. I have never been a "friend collector" - so that isn't that unusual for me. The thing is with so much up in the air right now with how long we will be in this area I'm not really putting myself out there to make new friends or deepen the "friendships"* I already have.

So yeah...
I'm slowly decorating a house for Christmas that I had every hope to be long gone from by this time. That's fun.
I found an entire bottle of a lotion I thought was long gone. So that was cool.
Um. I cleaned my closet. It really needed to be done. The kids couldn't even get into it to use it as a fort.
I'm tapped.




*I use friendships more along the line of acquaintances. The people I truly call friend are very few and far between.

What to write?

I guess I'm just not inspired. I think of things to talk about, but don't seem to have enough energy to do justice by it. I could be talking about our family getting to be a part of Operation Serve, our nephews wedding or getting to see our friends and their 2 kids for the first time in over 3 years.

Our focus at this point is on our middle son. He is sad. He has been sad for months. He has the most amazing, mischievous smile and I haven't seen it in what seems like forever. That is not right for a 5 year old little boy.

We are trying to decide what would be best for him. Little boys should be bundles of energy, playing and having fun. Not crying about school, feeling like a failure, and saying that reading isn't fun. Luc is smart little boy with a huge heart. He deserves better than that.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.