Death

I know that's a depressing title for a post, but it seems appropriate.

Heath Ledger is dead.

I'm sad. I actually cried a couple of tears.

He wasn't my favorite actor. He wasn't someone that had any great impact on my life. It's not like I knew him or thought we had some "connection".

He was a son. He was a brother. He was a father. I think that's what gets to me most - I think about his daughter and my heart breaks. Whether it was an accident or not, she is going to grow up without her dad. A dad that seemed to be very vocal about how amazing and wonderful he thought his daughter was. I ache for that family.

I also hurt for them knowing that once the initial shock has worn off the world will turn and start taking a more callous outlook on his death. It will be a feeding frenzy. Autopsy reports, funerals, the first picture of his daughter after her daddy has died... I would love to be proven wrong but I don't have very high hopes.

Any death is sad, but 28 is so young.

"Matilda is adorable, and beautifully observant and wise. Michelle an I love her so much. Becoming a father exceeds all my expectations. It's the most remarkable experience I've ever had - it's marvelous." [On daughter Matilda and being a father]

"I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future." [Heath Ledger]

The thirsty little poopy

the thirsty little poopy

or

it's coming!!

This is what potty training has come to in the household nowadays. I'm still not quite sure what "the thirsty little poopy" means, but I do know that I haven't had to change a dirty diaper/pull up in 2 days. Yes, this is what we mommies get excited about.

We have had a lot of false starts but I think this time might be it! Liam is on the potty more often than not these days. At times it's a little annoying, but there will be no complaints from me. He has also taken it upon himself to instruct me on how to praise him. "Say yay me mommy!"

He isn't just in it for the praise though. We are totally using the bribery method. He is all about the Canny! He get skittles for the #1s and in a kind of disturbing twist - milk duds for #2s.

No wonder he's on the potty all the time.

I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy.

Originally posted on Sunday, November 05, 2005

I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy.

Out of all our kids I truly think that Luc is the most likely to become a con man.

He has this gift, an evil gift - that he uses for evil purposes. This kid can find trouble anywhere. I mean, I can leave him in his room for a nap, right? There shouldn't be a problem with that at all, right? What do I find when I go in to get him up? He made ancient cave drawings on his walls. We now have our very own hieroglyphics! I have had the kitchen floor wall to wall dog food. I still have some lovely pink marks on the carpet from him applying chapstick to the dry and parched fibers. If there is some mischief to be found, Lucas will sniff it out.

The thing with Luc though, is that once my blood pressure returns to normal and we are having our "talk"? That's when he really starts using his gift to his full potential. "Mommy, you're the bestest mommy in the whole world"!, "I'm sorry mommy, I won't ride Liam like a horsey ever again" all while patting my face and gazing at me with his killer blue eyes. Or the one that really gets me, "I love your eyebrows mommy, do you love my eyebrows"? How does one keep their composure in the face of that?

I want to share with you the reason that I decided to post about our energetic 3 year old. Yesterday my husband called me. He asked about the kids. That was his first mistake. I shared this story with him:

So, yeah... Lucas came in the room earlier and was babbling something about syrup. I didn't understand what he was trying to say and we both kind of gave up on the conversation. Well, I just went into the kitchen and the lid was open on the syrup. I asked Lucas what he had done to the syrup. "Nothing". So I stared at him with my mommy look. "Lucas Ryan, what did you do with the syrup"?

What came next was very difficult for me to describe to Jon over the phone. It isn't much easier to try and type what happened next. So I give you a reenactment:


(Yes, he did make the accompanying chugging sounds)

Jon then made his second mistake: He started laughing like a loon. How do you remain stern about things like that when all you want to do is laugh till you cry?

I'm a big kid now

I had a friend ask me the other day when I was going to grow up. (The question was also directed at our husbands.) My answer was something along the line of I don't ever want to totally "grow up".

After I married Jon I spent a lot of the time feeling like I was still a kid. We married young. We had babies young. We worked at a church that was mostly older people and I have to say I spent most of my time feeling like I was looked down on. Here I am now, a good 10 years later, and it's getting better, but I don't know if I will ever totally feel like an adult.

When I was a young newlywed and young mother all I wanted was to be looked on as an adult. Now as a mother who's oldest child is about to enter double digits I just want to be adult enough to deal with my responsibilities well and still be "young" enough to enjoy the ride. I want to be able to enjoy my husband, children, and life in general.

Unfortunately, the growing up part of life can be painful. I am having to deal with one aspect of this right now. I have, because of some bruising and battering of my heart, wrapped my heart in cotton (bubble wrap, styrofoam, etc.). I had made the decision that if I kept my heart put away and protected it couldn't hurt. God informed me that He has other ideas about that today.

I was hurt by some really close friends. (I'm pretty sure I have mentioned my friendship issues before. I don't make friends easily and I don't trust 'em easily either.) I am not saying that they were malicious or set out to hurt me - I just got hurt - you can't really help what brings you joy or what brings you pain. So, anyway, I made the decision to back away from them. I figured if I didn't hang out with them I wouldn't have the hurt or risk being hurt some more.

I realized today that I can't just walk away from them.

I want to. I want to run as fast and as far away as possible. I don't want to put myself out there. I don't want to risk my heart getting more bruised or battered. I will though.

As I sat in church today I had the most overwhelming feeling that I have to talk to them. I don't know if I can explain it. The feeling is like your heart is being squeezed tight and there is this weight... (These friends have been hurting. In lots of ways. It makes me want to cry if I think about it too much.) I knew that I was going to have to do something. I knew I had to tell Jon that I was going to have to do something.

I wasn't really looking forward to that. See, Jon has had to deal with his own struggles regarding these friends. One result being he would get really worried about me whenever I would have any kind of contact with them.

So I tell Jon in the car after church that I just really, really feel like I need to make that phone call. Jon looks at me and tells me "I really had Friend 1 on my heart in the service." He follows that up with "I've been thinking about Friend 1 for the past couple of weeks."

It's awesome to see the way God works. He's been working on both of us, getting us to this point where we can hopefully love on the both of them.

I might get hurt. There maybe tears. Or I might find my friends again. I might be able to love on them. That's the thing about hearts - you hide them away you might not experience the hurt, but you also miss out on the good stuff - love, laughter and friendship.

It's about time!

• Originally posted on Sep 30, 2006

I have never planted morning glories before. They have always appealed to me and yet I have never had any in my yard. The beginning of this summer I bought a teeny, tiny morning glory start. Having never planted any = no experience in what they like. So I was the interweb guru and searched about them. The information that I gathered all pointed to planting them in "bad" soil, ensuring they would put energy into blooming.

It bloomed twice.

Right after I planted it.

Over this summer it has climbed everywhere, covers the entire corner of the garage and has been a lush green.

It bloomed last night. Last freaking night! Which leads me to the conclusion that I managed to pick the confused morning glory. Maybe it has aspirations to be a moon flower? Perhaps way back when it's great great grandma was into experimentation? There was that one night when mom got totally wasted?

I don't know, but it's about time!

Sept. 29 001

Sept. 29 014

Killer Coiffure

Liam climbs up on our bed and sprawls across Jon's chest.

Liam: Can I get another haircut?

Jon: You just got a haircut last night.

Liam: pause...

Liam: pause...

Liam: pause...

Liam: This haircut is broken.

The breakdown of a star

Britney Spears can't seem to stay out of the spotlight. All last year she was in the news for her "antics". A marriage disintegrating, kids endangered, and a woman imploding - and that's what "news" outlets called it - antics. What kind of world do we live in that the breakdown of a family becomes entertaining?

I admit to reading celeblogs. I enjoy reading about where they vacation, how the famous offspring is growing up and seeing what they're wearing. The problem comes when pictures of various naked parts (thank you Paris, Lindsey, Britney, et al), lurid details of suicide attempts (Owen Wilson), and complete mental breakdown (Brit again) are splashed everywhere. There are pictures of Britney restrained on the gurney being put into the ambulance. Whether it was drugs or some kind of mental break - she deserves some kind of privacy.

It's common decency. Unfortunately, I don't think that there is much of it laying around anymore.

Edited to add:

I guess I'm not the only one who sees this : Dad Gone Mad

Who knew disrobing could be so difficult?

Lucas comes in the bedroom -

Lucas: Mommy I can't get my sweatshirt off.
(I reach over and unzip the neck of his sweatshirt.)
Lucas: Oh. That was the problem.